If You Don’t Like Candy Corn You’re A Dumb Idiot

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Happy frickin’ National Candy Corn Day.

Some of this nonsense has even been perpetrated by this very Web site: here, here, and here. People call it “waxy” and “garish.” They say it's “not real food.” The former complaints are more simply matters of (bad, wrong) taste; the latter is nonsensical snobbery. It is real food. I know that because I've eaten probably three bags of it this month — plus one smaller bag of the candy corn's elegant older sister, the pumpkin mellowcreme — and I am still alive today, typing my feelings about candy corn.

“ACTUALLY, candy corn is disgusting.” — this guy

"ACTUALLY, candy corn is disgusting." — this guy

Candy corn is a very real food. A very real GREAT food.

If you don't like candy corn, you're a dumb idiot.

Here's why.

vetkit / Via Thinkstock

Its design is an homage to actual corn on the cob, which is delightful.

Its design is an homage to actual corn on the cob, which is delightful.

Every meal side should have a candy version of itself, but only corn is chill enough to not be threatened by a sugary counterpart. Can you imagine a candy broccoli? Candy brussels sprouts? No. Too uptight.

According to this picture's owner that is cookie dough in the middle. Which I can't personally vouch for. But candy corn is about dreaming big.

Flickr: dave77459 / Creative Commons

Its ombré color scheme is both on trend and pleasing to the eye.

Its ombré color scheme is both on trend and pleasing to the eye.

Many candies are just a single color, or a variety of separate colors placed together in one bag. How many challenge themselves to present a range of colors within a single piece?

Flickr: pengrin / Creative Commons


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